ALRIGHT YOU BLEEP BOOPS, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO SWEAR BUT I'M YOUR MOTHER FORKIN TRICKSTER GOD FROM THE 7TH COMET EVERYTHING POPPET. LET'S DO THIS ONE LAST TIME:

IF YOU WATCHED THE DOCUMENTARY, YOU KNOW THE DRILL. IT WAS A LITERAL DARK AND STORMY NIGHT, I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP. PENNY GOT WEIRD WITH IT AND STARTED LISTENING TO VESSELS BY PHILIP GLASS. SHE MUST'VE DISSOCIATED INTO THE SONG, CAN'T BLAME HER REALLY, AND LIKE A DEMON SNIFFING OUT UNGUARDED MINDS I POSSESSED HER. I REALISED THAT BEING ALIVE WAS WAY COOLER THAN BEING NON-EXISTENT, SO I STUCK AROUND.

I WAS AND STILL AM THE MOST OUTGOING OF THE POPPETS. I WAS FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE, I ENJOYED PARTIES, I GAMED HARD. I HAD THE JUICE! I ALSO REPRESENT A SORTA WILD SIDE PENNY FELT SHE NEEDED TO TAME. MY EMOTIONS ARE RAW, MY IDEAS ARE OFF THE CHAIN! MY LACK OF FILTER IS IDEAL FOR THE MOST OUTLANDISH BRAINSTORMING SESSIONS.

I REGRET TO INFORM Y'ALL THAT I PEAKED IN COLLEGE. I WAS OVERINDULGING IN SO MUCH ART AND MUSIC AND EVERYTHING THAT EVENTUALLY I BURNED OUT HARD, BUT I BURNED BRIGHT WHICH IS WHERE IT COUNTS. THESE DAYS I'M LIKE AN OLD HIPPIE IN THE 1980s CLINGING TO SOME ACID FLASHBACK OF A BYGONE ERA, A RELIC REFUSING TO BE SUBSUMED IN CONTEMPORARY CORPORATE DOMINANCE.

BUT I DON'T MIND BEING COUNTERCULTURAL. KEN KELSEY'S KOOL-AID IS REALLY TASTY AND I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING IT'S NOT. MY MESSAGE FOR Y'ALL IS TO EMBRACE YOUR CRINGE, VALUE YOUR WORST IDEAS, AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AGAINST ALL CYNICS. SINCERITY IS THE NEW HOTNESS AND BABY, GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL!

GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!!